Oh, Rockstar. You’ve only gone and done it again, you big, cuddly bear, you. It wouldn’t surprise us if the GTA developer has now installed a secret bunker in its Scottish headquarters exclusively for the purposes of testing taboos to their limits on unsuspecting members of the public. In the past, beating up prostitutes, car-jacking and drug-running has roused the anger of the critics, and though there’s far less cause for alarm in Rockstar’s ham-fisted approach to dealing with homosexuality, we still think it will blindside some players, despite the subject of this new DLC being highlighted in rainbow font.

Maybe this makes us social Neanderthals then, but we still found the crass manner with which Rockstar deals with your boss, Gay Tony, amusing. He’s not a raving queen himself – if he was then your character, Luis Lopez, a rough-hewn Hispanic bad-boy who’s done some time and emerged all the tougher for it, probably wouldn’t have anything to do with him. As the mean right fist to Tony’s business empire, there’s mutual respect and even friendship in their business relationship, with the suggestion that Tony would pursue it further if it wasn’t for the fact that Luis is a rampant alpha male of a hetero that pursues tail of the female variety like a randy lion. The same can’t be said of the company that your boss keeps however, and Luis doesn’t hide his distaste for the overt advances of one of Tony’s partners in particular. This is a new Liberty City, and despite the odd nod to its predecessors, it’s not one of Niko Bellic’s moulding, it’s more like a gritty Vice City.

Tony Prince is the owner of Liberty City’s two hottest night clubs, gay club Hercules and straight members-only club Maisonette 9. Both are highly exclusive, attracting the upper echelons of society and have made Tony a wealthy man. Unfortunately, one shady deal too far and the entrepreneur finds himself indebted to the wrong people – and as his bodyguard and business partner, you have to bail him out. Unlike GTA IV’s Niko and The Lost And Damned’s Johnny, Luis has already made his fortune covering his boss’s back, but Gay Tony still dons a similar gameplay structure.

Arguably menial tasks form the periphery of the story missions, with your homeboys from the other side of town taking up a respectable portion of your time. Armando and Henrique are like brothers to Luis, but as the story goes on you’ll discover that they’re leeches and, despite the obvious friendship between the trio, resent Luis’ success. So every now and then you’re expected to ‘hang’ (read: babysit) with them, take them out for some beers, grab a burger or do the odd mission that inevitably ends up in a gunfight. Luis wants to keep them happy, but he’s reluctant to engage in gangbanging because it’s clearly below him. This isn’t how he envisaged keeping in touch with his roots and, honestly, we’re not particularly compelled to bomb off on these side missions either, though we do just to stop Armando sending us bitchy text messages.

The other minor thorn in the side of our Gay Tony experience is Club Management. It’s part of Luis’ job description, and though you often have a valid excuse for neglecting this part of your duties – literally taking the bullet for your boss, for one – Tony will phone you up and give you a verbal clip around your ears if you do.

… continued